Every year there are snubs. This year hosts a HUGE snub per category. In the case of Best Actress it is a cornucopia of snub fruits and sad faces. Also War Horse. Why is it there. WHY? Ok. Let’s work through this together.
Best Picture:
I am FLABBERGASTED that Young Adult is not here. Why did Up in the Air EVER get a nomination and this didn’t? Ugh this is like when the academy turned on Russell Crowe post Gladiator. CHARLIZE IS OUR HELLO KITTY MAXIMUS. Also, I am now convinced I made Melancholia up. How is Incredibly Loud even here? I’m going to have throw my weight, my fleshy, snack enhanced weight behind Hugo. The greatest trick Harvey Weinstein ever played was putting Uggie at the head of his aggressive Oscar campaign (and convincing the world that the devil doesn’t exist).
Best Director
My list would have had Lars Von Tezzie and Jason Riteman (what? a year ago that would have been equal to saying “I wish this pap smear lasted longer”). Also, what kind of belt-studded self harm is David Fincher indulging in right now? Do you think he left hateful messages on Rooney Mara’s voicemail when he got snubbed? Is she starving somewhere, shaking? Yes.
Best Actor
I haven’t seen Shame so I don’t know how BIG (teeeheeeee) a snub we’re talking about here. I’m glad Gosling got locked out because he dated Sandra Bullock for a year. I watched the trailer for the dude we never heard of. It looks like a good performance. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m worried about u, Leo.
Best Supporting Actor
I think Jonah Hill should do the right thing: dress in a CGI green suit as Andy Serkis. Nick Nolte is nominated. I hope this means Tom Hardy gets to be an Oscar presenter. Of his dick.
Best Actress
This was it for KiKi Durst. Tilda and Charlize, with their glassy eyes and etherealness, will waft into this category again I’m sure, but Kirsten? Bella 1.0? No. I found her performance in Melancholia to be absolutely enthralling. I had no love for this wee blonde and her baby teeth before, but as Justine, depicting the onset and aftermath of a severe depressive episode, she was stoic and terrifying. Captured the full power of the role. It’s a shame.
Best Original Screenplay
YOU NOMINATED JUNO BUT NOT YOUNG ADULT? *self harms*
Best Score
How do you think Trent is coping? You know he cares. He’ll joke about it, but he cares. Tonight, when Echo Lazarus Reznor is tucked away tight in his neuvo-victorian crib, Trent will creep into his Beverly Hills synth cave and curse himself for being so sure. For getting cocky after Social Network. He never belonged here. He’ll open a bag of Tostitos, text message Atticus Ross, “War Horse???” and then play Skyrim to see if he still feels.
LOL neuvo-victorian. WHOREHORSE.
